Ladies, Your Search For A Way To Make-up Is Over!
It’s not surprising that after a breakup more than 55% of people say thinking about their ex boyfriend stops them finding a new relationship. In fact, a massive 81% of people say that they think about their ex “too much”.
Clearly, getting over an ex boyfriend isn’t as easy as you might hope… especially if you want him back!
How To Get Your Man Back
Maybe that’s why so many relationship gurus suggest 30 days of no contact with your ex-partner after the break-up. (That includes any form of contact including not peeking at Facebook!)
The idea of no contact is to allow the emotions you feel after a breakup – anger, fear, hatred, rage, grief – to soften a little bit.
And furthermore, if your ex-boyfriend has any loving feelings for you, and is wondering whether he’s made the right decision (or whether you made the right decision) in ending the relationship, this will give him time to reflect on what he’s lost.
Sidebar: By the way, if your ex-boyfriend does call you, then answer him only if you’re feeling emotionally balanced and strong enough to take the call. If you think you might start criticizing, judging, blaming, or wheedling and whining to get him back, then don’t take the call.
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back – Step by Step
First things first. You need to find out why you broke up, and what led to the end of your relationship?
You may already know, especially if you’re the one who ended it. But even then it may not be completely clear to you what was going on at a deeper level. Clearly if you respected each other and felt you were right for each other, you’d still be together. So what, exactly, was it that drove you apart? (Cue: you need to think about this!)
If it was simply your behavior, or your ex boyfriend’s behavior, within the relationship, good news! Because that’s something which can be changed….. provided you believe the relationship really was good enough to justify getting back together with your ex!
And that’s the issue – how do you decide if your ex-boyfriend is really the guy you want back in your life? Or should you start again and find somebody else?
He Broke Up With You
Well, if he broke up with you, why? Was it you nagging, being bitchy, critical, finding fault, or being too needy and desperate for attention?
Look, this isn’t about blame. I’m sure you can see that whatever the cause, there’s clearly something here you you need to work on.
You simply need to find more emotional strength and higher self-esteem so you’re not dependent on the presence of your ex-boyfriend in a relationship with you to feel good about yourself.
You Broke Up With Him
Of course if you broke the relationship up, then you have to consider that your boyfriend might not want to change, and he might not even be feeling the same way about gettign back together as you do.
To get your ex boyfriend back may mean a considerable amount of work, and certainly a lot of effort on your part to convince him that you really are the woman he needs to be with.
In general, when a woman breaks off with her boyfriend, she’s got a very good reason for doing it, but most of the principles about how to get your your ex-boyfriend back apply regardless of whoever broke off the relationship in the first place.
Why men break up
So it’s possible that your ex-boyfriend was beginning to discover he wasn’t attracted to you any more. It’s a fact that when a couple settles into a stable relationship, the excitement can go out of it – particularly around sex, and a lack of effort to remain attractive.
If you want to find out how to get your ex boyfriend back, then one of the things you can do is make a really powerful impact on him by becoming more attractive and desirable, taking more care of your appearance, and developing your personality, more than you ever have before.
In short, you’re setting out to make your ex-boyfriend realize that you’re the best woman he could possibly be with… And I’m sure I don’t need to mention that he will have high sexual expectations of his ideal woman! (So if you’re not good in bed, that’s definitely an area to look at.)
It’s also possible that your ex-boyfriend was getting bored with you, because this is another thing that can happen in a long-term relationship.
A couple become lazy, they stop paying those little compliments to each other, they stop asking about the details of each other’s lives… and basically the relationship is on a downhill path from there.
But it isn’t so difficult to genuinely be interested in your partner. Of course that’s a choice you have to decide to make.
Another reason why a man might leave a relationship is simply because his emotional and sexual needs are not being fulfilled.
Sadly, he might have been able to tell you this; indeed it’s possible he might not even have known it himself. Women really do hold the emotional energy in a relationship with a man, and sometimes it can be very difficult for a man to express himself emotionally.
And even though I wouldn’t want to suggest that a woman is responsible for a man’s feelings or checking how he’s doing, there are certain ways in which a woman can enquire of a man and support him emotionally without being intrusive. Men, after all, are not great at communicating their feelings.
Why did you dump him?
Maybe you thought that things could be better, but you realized when you got rid of him that in fact he was the man you wanted in your life all along. Now you want to get your ex boyfriend back! But what went wrong?
Maybe he let himself go, becoming a bit of a slob – a sign that men feel comfortable and at ease with a woman.
Maybe there was a terrible fight and that was the end of it.
Maybe he cheated on you.
These are all pretty powerful reasons for ending a relationship, so you have absolutely have to be clear about why you want to know how to get your ex-boyfriend back.
The point is this: regardless of what happened before, it is possible to change the way your relationship operates, and to enjoy a fresh new relationship with the same man.
Obviously it does need both of you to be committed to making it work, and it also needs both of you to want, deep down, to get back together,
I need hardly say, I’m sure, that if you think your whole life revolves around your boyfriend and you’ll never find anyone better, or you’re miserable and isolated on your own, or it’ll simply be different next time, that you really haven’t got much of a basis for rebuilding your relationship.
On the other hand, if you made a rash decision to break up, or you broke up because you had a big fight, and you’re basically quite happy together apart from the occasional argument, then you do have a foundation for the future.
Anyway that’s enough of that!
Next – if you’re going to be out of contact for 30 days, what are you going to do during that period?
Try and rebuild your life, that’s what! Don’t drink too much, don’t sleep all day, don’t stay at home alone. Don’t talk to all your friends repeatedly over and over about the breakup. And don’t avoid going to work.
You see, no matter how bad you feel about the breakup, you’ve got to get over it and carry on with your life. Only by having the self-esteem and the personal power to know that you’re going to be just fine without him, will you really find the strength and courage to get back together with him in a healthy way.
So start building your life back up by doing things which provide a structure. (Going to work, your daily routine… and so on.)
After 30 days of this you should feel a lot better.
And that’s especially true if you’ve been taking care of yourself with (let’s say) massage and exercise and a good diet, perhaps even indulging yourself with a makeover and new clothes and a change of hair style.
All of these are signs to your ex boyfriend and yourself that you have high self-esteem and you’re not dependent on the presence of your boyfriend in your life to feel good about yourself.
Only from this point can you move forward and have a new relationship with the same man as before.
I want to emphasize one thing in particular. Dating someone else, and going out with your friends for fun, are key things which can help you sustain your sense of self-confidence.
These activities will help you believe you’re still attractive – and you need to know that right now, because everyone’s self-esteem takes a knock after a break up.
First Contact With Your Ex
Sooner or later you’re actually going to want to make contact with your ex.
This is a very exciting step because it represents the start of a new relationship, and you need good advice about how to do it.
For example, you might want to text, you might want to call, or you might want to write a letter. How to decide?
Michael Fiore has written an online “getting back together” program called in which he explains every single detail of the best (most successful) way to get your ex back. (Click on the advert to the right to find out more.)
It’s simple. You send a series of text messages. Yes, text messages!
You start with neutral messages which simply express interest and concern for the well-being of your ex-boyfriend, gradually building on the foundations you have laid until you are sending messages specifically designed to build intimacy and prepare for a meeting.
The great thing about this program is that he provides you with all the information you need to make it work.
Aside from that, letters are a romantic thing, but mostly useful where a man is trying to get an ex girlfriend back.
As for calling on the phone? A bit risky, really, because this is an approach which can cause you to panic …. and then you might make comments and suggestions and commitments which you really regret after you’ve put the phone down!
However you make contact, it’s important to understand that if you’re going to get your ex-boyfriend back successfully, you need a plan to do it.
And, if you look around the Internet, you’ll find all kinds of clever, clever schemes designed to persuade people that some guru or other has the secret of eternal love and romance between ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend.
Don’t believe this. Save yourself time, money and effort by simply buying Mike Fiore’s program and cutting right to the chase!
You know, it really irks me when I read pages and pages of websites about what you “should” do to control the conversation when you meet with your ex-boyfriend.
Being in control is the wrong mindset entirely.
You really want to go into a meeting with your ex-boyfriend with an open heart and a willingness to listen to what he has to say, without judging him, criticizing him or blaming him.
And I know that’s a big thing to ask of an ex boyfriend, particularly if he’s feeling he wasn’t completely responsible for the breakup.
But how much better is an openhearted attitude where you can just sit back and listen, before you express your own desires and wishes, than some kind of gameplan where you aim to be in control of your ex-boyfriend as a strategy to get him back?
I mean, every word you say and every action you take to maintain your control makes you more and more artificial and forced.
In essence, my advice for you, as a woman trying to get her ex-boyfriend back, is to deal with your emotional baggage.
That way you can be much more accepting and loving towards your ex-boyfriend without being triggered into anger, fear, sadness or any other strong emotion by the things he does or says.
And this means – at least to me – that if you don’t feel totally safe with your ex-boyfriend, then getting into relationship with him will mean either you can only partly open your heart to him, or you’re going to need some kind of agreement with him that you’ll work on your issues together.
There’s no shortage of places around these days where women can get the emotional support they need to grow into emotionally mature individuals (see this, for example) – the question is whether or not you are truly willing to do that.
One compelling reason why you might try some kind of emotional development work is that if you go back into your relationship with the same mindset that you took into it in the first place, the outcome is probably going to be the same this time: another breakup. Would you really want to go through this again, trying to find out how best to get your ex boyfriend back a second time?
One of the things you need to focus on, which is something all relationship advice or breakup advice gurus seem to agree on, is the need to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
There’s absolutely no point focusing on mutual blame, or the “could have done this” or the “could have done that”, or the “should have done this” or the “should have done that”.
In truth, what’s going to bring you and your ex-boyfriend back together is mutual respect and affection.
Let me ask you a question.
You see plenty of advice on the ‘net about how to use jealousy to your advantage – in other words you deliberately make your ex partner feel jealous by going out in front of them with another date.
Is that manipulative or what? Do you consider that a respectful strategy? Of course it’s not respectful! And it’s not likely to be very successful either!
Advice like this really makes me wonder how gullible some people can be when faced with half baked on the Internet. For me, the key to successfully re-establishing a relationship is to find some good advice, and then to put it into practice.
That is, I will be frank, why I recommend Mike Fiores’ program Text Your Ex Back.
Be affectionate and loving, openhearted and honest, towards your ex.
The best thing you can do this is to speak from your heart about how you’re feeling and what you want.
When you meet up with your ex-boyfriend, in your attempt to get back together with him, make it casual and informal – perhaps coffee at the coffee shop.
Keep the conversation light, and the emotions low-key, because you simply want to make a real connection with your ex boyfriend. That’s the key thing at this stage if you’re trying to get him back.
Maybe do something you enjoyed sharing when you were in relationship; maybe try something new – a gallery visit, a concert….
I think it will become clear to you pretty quickly if you’re with the right person, and whether or not you can really hope to get your ex boyfriend back and have a good relationship with him in the future.
After all, women know these things – they have an intuitive sense men don’t even know about! At some level you, as a woman, will always know the truth about how you feel about your ex-boyfriend. Follow your feminine intuition about how to get your ex boyfriend back, and you won’t go wrong.